- Monday, Dec 8, 2025: Pels vs Spurs showdown
- Expectations: Castle makes his grand comeback from injury
- Spurs snag the win
- Castle surprisingly does not resemble a retiree from the senior league
- Grades? Patience — they’re coming
It’s the holiday season and I’m in a great mood. The air is crisp, excitement everywhere, and CASTLE is back! Yippee! My expectations heading into this game are simple, as mentioned above. I feel a bit bad even giving anyone a superficial letter grade, since integrating a returning player into a team that’s gone 7-3 while Wemby and Castle were out with injury feels unfair on many levels. If you’re holding some kind of standard like that and expecting anything other than a win, you might need to rethink your approach or need medication. The game thread didn’t disappoint.
Granted, we were all disappointed in the Cleveland road trip, but there are a few who visit THE LAND and return feeling fantastic. It’s practically a national dad joke at this point. Considering Kornett wasn’t playing that game, everything that happened in The Mistake on the Lake should hopefully inspire us to touch grass and gain some perspective. But no, no—the days between that game and this one were filled with
- Giannis’ wild trade fever dreams
- Wemby’s top-secret medical mystery files
So naturally the concessions of the commentors was "THE SPURS BETTER BLOW OUT THE PELICANS OR ELSE.
I couldn’t stop laughing when the very first play of the game had Castle and Fox teaming up for an absolutely disastrous turnover. But as the game went on, our trio of guards actually looked great in stretches, even if they weren’t scoring exactly as the commentators expected. We led by as much as 25 and finished the first half up by 20.
So That Half was an
A-.
I watch the NBA games and have been loosely keeping tabs on the Pels ever since they named former Spurs wunderkind Borrego as interim head coach. Yeah, that fresh-faced young whippersnapper who left the Spurs family to coach the Hornets. So I knew that despite their record and not having Zion, the Pels were a competitive team featuring 21-year-old “dad bod” basketball savant rookie Queen. I was kinda expecting a TURD Quater and BOY did we get a TURD of a Quarter.
Third quarter was a comedy of errors and comments. LOL. Queen used his wide child-bearing hips to waddle into the paint and absolutely punish the Spurs’ front court, including Usain Bolt–posing hero from two games ago, Kornet.
100-102 Pels
THAT a TURD FURGUSON CERFIED
F for that TURD Quater.
What’s causing this chaos? Is it hubris? Is Mitch delivering locker room pep talks or just perfecting his invisible man routine? Who knows—it’s all wild speculation and up to the ever-mysterious “semi-informed sources” that Spurs beat reporter Jeff McDonald loves to name-drop.
WTF is a SIMI INFORMED SOURCE?
The fourth quarter… oh boy. It was a rock fight, with Mitch shuffling the lineup several times and the lead changing hands almost as often. The Spurs grabbed a slim final lead at 8:55 on a Julian Champagnie 27-footer off a Dylan Harper assist, then stretched it to as much as six and saw it shrink to just one before finally sealing the 135-132 win on two clutch De’Aaron Fox free throws. Whew, what a quarter. Commentators are livid.
GRADE
B-
A WIN IS A WIN
It could be worse. Just look at how the Monday Night Football game ended for Philly fans. I’m pretty sure I heard chants of
“Jalen Turds” by the time he lost the game in OT with an interception on the Chargers’ 1-yard line in the red zone.
JALEN TURDS
is a FUNY NAME
Overall Grade
C
These are the grades I feel comfortable giving out today, because no single player on the Spurs played as poorly as the Jalen Turds, and no one stood out as truly exceptional.